I wake up alone in my queen size bed, fresh white sheets, temperature control. It’s 7am. I slept in, I must have needed it, it doesn’t matter. I worked a lot yesterday even though it was Sunday. I am slowly getting obsessed with business after pursuing other interests for the last few years. I am encouraging the obsession, fuelling the flame by looking at new business ideas, pivots and adjustments to my existing businesses, and even reading entrepreneurial books again.
I get out of bed and see my reflection in the mirror. I’m down to 75kg, the same weight as I was when I was 18 (I got down to 64kg in addiction), I almost have abs. My daily yoga and Pilates are keeping me in shape. My diet is on point. At 42 my body may even look better than when I was 18. I haven’t even taken any testosterone for over a couple months.
I open the curtain to reveal the city of Jakarta, I see the smog covered skyline from my 33rd floor apartment. I love it. I like this city. I am such high value with the girls here. I hardly even bother doing any daygame. I can get dates with hot young girls every day. Yesterday morning I had this beautiful 39kg, 27-year-old sweet thing in doggy on my bed as I fucked her for the third time in 12 hours after meeting her at Starbucks “for a coffee” at 6pm the night before. Last night I had a booty call by a girl I had never met. She caught a motor bike taxi across town to my apartment arriving at 9pm. I got the lift downstairs and sat with her in the cafe for 20 minutes before excusing myself and coming home on my own. I just wasn’t feeling it.
I clean my teeth, drink some water, do some stretches, and meditate for 20 minutes. At the end of my meditation I allow my mind to wander. Looking out the window at the Jakarta skyline I think to myself. “Have I ever been this happy?” The answer is no. I’ve been completely clean since my “binge” three weeks ago and that seems to have had no ill effects on me. I have no desire to drink or take drugs of addiction. I have found online meetings which so far give me the same benefits as face to face meetings. This discovery, if it continues to work well for me, is a bit of a game changer because it means I can travel cities that I once thought I couldn’t because I needed meetings. All the smaller cities of Russia and Eastern Europe where the most beautiful women in the world are (and don’t consider dating guys 20 years older than them weird)
The drugs I do permit myself to indulge in, psychedelics that are physically non-addictive, and after 9 months of experimentation, continue to be mentally and emotionally non-addictive, only benefit me. This continues to amaze me that I have my cake and to eat it to. Imagine telling an NA member that once he has been in recovery over 15 years that he will be able to take most drugs as long as he stays away from physically addictive ones and continues to do AA meetings. AA meetings that he doesn’t even have to go to, but can do from his Airbnb apartment anywhere in the world on skype. It’s like a using dream where you justify using manageably, but it’s real.
Admittedly I do feel like taking drugs. I would love to drift off into my dreams at the end of the day vaping some Indica, or spend an afternoon tripping on acid in the forest. And these desires are pretty strong, the thoughts may even be considered addictive, but it’s not convenient or safe for me to take drugs in the two cities I am travelling to this month, Jakarta and Bangkok, so I can wait. It is interesting that the two cities that I can satisfy my sex addiction the most, I am not able to use drugs.
I make my morning coffee, the only drug I am still addicted to, and sip the rough Indonesian blend, it’s actually not bad, while looking out the window. Happiness? It’s not just about satisfying desire. It’s about emotional and financial security, ambitions, self-esteem, pride, personal relations, and sexual relations. It’s all the instincts in the AA big book.
My life right now has never been more satisfying. And it’s not just the satisfaction that I derive from today’s activities, but the belief that I am on the right track to be satisfied tomorrow, a year, and a decade from now. I am back committed to entrepreneurism. I have enough income to travel the world, albeit modestly, and the resources to grow that income so I can accumulate wealth. I have a dream to own a 10-acre property in the hinterland of the Sunshine Coast that will have a have a number of houses for my kids and grand kids, and a business that those who wish can work in and I can give my kin a real education, one that is not available at school. I am on track for that.
My health has never been better, my diet and exercise is improving every year. I can get my needs met sexually. If you date a lot, you get good at it. I can seduce the girls that want to be seduced and filter the ones that are just there out of curiosity with no intention to fuck, or I just don’t like. I don’t invest wasted time or money on women. By understanding women and seduction better I am becoming a more attractive man. By travelling the world on my own I am becoming more emotionally independent, also more attractive.
I haven’t given up on love, although it’s definition is changing slightly for me, much less Disney. To get the type of women I want. I need to be a better man. I am not there yet. My right of passage still has a while to go. I need to be richer, wiser, stronger, and more independent. My goal around love is to wait till I am close to fifty and find a model attractive girl in her early twenties from a stable home; most likely Russia, Ukraine, or Belarus, and bring her to Australia and put a heap of babies in her. It’s a stretch, but not impossible. If I fail I have a few backup plans in mind that are still far more pleasing than the civilisations beta male program of growing old with a women just a few years younger than you.
Today I have a new staff member I have to on-board, I have a meeting with the general manager of my web design agency, some other bits and pieces and then I will turn my hand to writing. It’s important for me to write, recognise where I am, share my gratitude and put my words, if not myself, out there publically. Then I will do some yoga, have lunch and then have a coffee date (in the café below my apartment) with a 23-year-old I haven’t met yet. There is every chance I will spend the late afternoon and evening fucking her brains out.
Red Pill Recovery 