Step 1 Happened To Me

Inner change is hard. The steps offer to give you a psychic shift that will rearrange your beliefs and values. If you think that is going to be easy and enjoyable you are in for as much of a shock as me. At least I was able to draw on my previous experience and the pain of internal change in my early years of step work in NA.

Step 1 in DA was very little about compulsive spending or debting and all about sex and love addiction. An average looking single 43-year-old trying to be a playboy is as funny as it is sad. But it’s all the recovery journey and I feel I am now landing on my feet. I thought I would write about some of the step 1 stories as they happened to me. I became obsessed,  then frustrated, humiliated at times, then despondent, and finally free. *Warning; if you are a easily offended by dirty, grotty sex stories then don’t read on.

Demi

I’m in the hospital room with my son. I hear some noise in the hallway. I glance up at an attractive, but beaten up girl in her late twenties. She is milling about talking to the staff. She is slim, with dark straight hair and wearing a black singlet. As she turns I get a full visual of her braless small but perky tit. That’s a bit hot. I think. I see her the next day in the family room. I like skinny girls, but she is gaunt and unhealthy looking. Her arm is in a sling and she has cuts on her forehead. She looks at me with a smile. I smile back and think, She’s got to be an ice addict, I better leave that alone.

A couple weeks later I walk to the family room to get a coffee and see her out of the corner of my eye as I walk past the room her son is staying in. I make my coffee, look up and there she is. “Can you try and get the battery out of this phone for me”. She asks. She looks much better, not gaunt looking and is really very beautiful. I oblige wondering, I think that was finding an excuse to talk to me. We exchange names. Hers is Demi. She tells me her and her son were in a car accident. She had broken bones everywhere and her son has a brain injury.

The next day I walk to the lift and see her out of the corner of my eye. I press the button and wait. The lift comes and I get in. As the doors almost close Demi puts her hand in making them open again. She gets in. I smile. I can’t be sure, but I think she just followed me. We talk about the progress of our kids and how stressful it can be in the hospital then I say. “You look like a girl who would appreciate some fine cannabis”

“Fuck yeah. I would do anything for a smoke of weed.” She says with a seductive look. Fuck me. I think.

“I’m baked most of the time I’m here. I know you don’t get much time, but if you can sneak away for 20 minutes we can hang out in my apartment over the road and get stoned together.” She jumps on the idea and we exchange numbers.

She comes over the next day and we vape some weed. I feel like we bond over the similar situation of our sons in hospital with brain injuries. I become completely obsessed with her. We spend time together over the week. We kiss and hug a bit, but she holds back and I don’t push too hard. She says her body is still so sore from the accident. It’s a reasonable excuse to me.

We make plans to take our kids to the movies. It’s a short walk from the hospital. We are sitting in the family room looking at the schedule on my phone so we can buy tickets. She is siting close to me, resting up against me. “I want you to stay with me tonight in the apartment”. “OK” She says almost before I finish the sentence. We have a fun day at the movies. I am a little nervous and excited to be sticking my dick into this skinny skanky thing that evening.

We get back to the hospital and there is a guy with green died hair waiting for her. She ignores me and goes with him and her son to their room. I message her after a couple hours and she says she is too tired. We see each other a little over the next week. I never fuck her. I am heart broken. Then put the pieces together and realise she has been using ice while in the hospital. I was just in denial about it. I fell in love with a packety that will drop everything and everyone to get a taste. I feel fucked. I feel so low. I allowed myself to get deluded.

I recover quickly and after a couple days see the error in my ways. See my neediness for sexual intimacy. See how easily I can ignore my values to meet these needs. I need to change. I hope DA can change me. I am debting my future happiness and intimacy with people I genuinely respect for short term sexual gratification with people whose values lead to destruction.

My answer? I signed up to Sugardaddymeet.com. First I had a look at the girls. There are a lot of hot girls here. Let’s have a look at the guys. OK, so the competition is pretty low. This is not Tinder. There are a few guys in the 20’s or 30’s that have put a bit of effort into their profile. Their value proposition appears to be. “I have money and will show you a good time, but don’t expect any cash.” I can see my value proposition being “I have money and will show you a good time, and I’ll give you a little bit of cash.”

Now to set up my profile. The sort of girl I want to attract won’t be your stereo typical sugar baby that has very high material and status desires. Fine dining and branded handbags are out. I want girls that are down to earth, but know their value, hence why they are on a sugar dating site. 7-8’s that can get used and abused 9’s on Tinder, but can’t bring themselves to date male 7’s from Tinder. They could date a male 7, or even 6, if he had a bit more than the average guy – the means to have fun dates and some small gifts. I had no intentions of taking any of them shopping, to night clubs, and especially not taking her and her friends out for dinner.

What some of these girls said they wanted on their profile was laughable. “Spoil me. Take me out for fine dining, travel, and shopping sprees. Know my value and want to see me happy. Not looking for anything sexual”. Are you taking the piss? Do they get old guys that want to spoil them without putting their dick in them? Fair play if they can. But I want a girl who is happy with a nice meal, a walk in the park, and then shacking up in a nice hotel with me where we can smoke weed, maybe some molly, and I do terrible things to her body, then send her home with my cum dripping down her inner thigh and a couple hundred dollars extra in her purse.

There was potential. I could have a decent dating life from this site. There were a lot of girls around 18-21. I wanted these ones and thought my age, 43, although younger than most guys on the site might have been a deal breaker for an 18-year-old. I also considered there are probably 16 and 17 year old’s lying about their age. I fucked two 17 year old’s last year from Tinder that had lied about their age, one in Bangkok and one in Jakarta. It felt so naughty – so good and so bad. So I made my age 36. I thought that was a good balance with what I could get away with and what an 18-year-old would consider their upper limit for fun rather than work. I also wanted to appeal to the more relaxed girls that wanted a fun time. I decided to mention it in my profile saying my idea of a nice date was “Nice hotel, French champagne, gourmet weed, and maybe some molly.” I then started messaging the girls. I got an overwhelmingly positive response and before long was chatting to a couple dozen very hot girls between 18-28.

Olivia

I met 19 year old Olivia and got her number. We chatted via text over the next week. From her photos she was brunette, slim, attractive, but not super-hot. She was the girl next door you would fuck in a heart-beat, but wouldn’t turn too many heads. We started to play the questions game and talk a bit about sex; what our fetishes were, when we last had sex. Things were going well, but we were unable to arrange a meet because we were both busy. We still hadn’t discussed price.

I had a day off work and pinged her in the morning. “I’m not working today.”

She replied. “Have we are agreed on payment.”

I replied. “$300. I could book us a hotel in Redcliffe this afternoon.”

She replied “Which hotel. Haha”

I told her to come to my warehouse first and then we would go to the beach or a café, have a chat and then book a hotel. She agreed, but said booking a hotel wasn’t necessary, but she wanted to sleep with me. I figured that was girl code for “just fuck me.”

She arrived. She was better looking than her pics. Her hair was tied back, she was wearing mini denim shorts and a singlet with a push up bra exposing her fresh and young cleavage. I gave her a hug. She smelt good. This will be fun, I thought. I locked the gate so no customers would come in and took her into my office. I have a bedroom next to my office in my warehouse. I walked her through the office and into my bedroom. I sat on the bed and tried to make small talk. She stood there looking very nervous, but with an expectant look that screamed at me “Just fuck me.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but do you have the money?” She asked.

I got the $300 out from my draw and handed it to her. She put in in her purse on the bench and walked back over to me sitting on the bed. I pulled her onto my lap and put my arms around her. I fell back and pulled her with me onto the bed.

“You still look nervous.” I said.

“Yes. Maybe we should just get to it.”

“OK. Have you had a sugardaddy before?”

“No. This is my first time. You have done this a lot before haven’t you?”

“We need some music.” I said getting up to play some tunes on my laptop. She got up too and took her shorts off, but leaving her knickers and singlet on.

We met standing and I put my arms around her. She hugged me back.

“Get right too it hey.” I said as I leaned in to kiss her. She kissed me back passionately and we were off and racing. I rubbed her pussy gently through the outside of her undies and then ran my hand up her toned stomach, over the belly button piercing and up to her breasts. I removed my shirt throwing it on the bed and then removed her singlet and bra. Her sweet young tits popped out and I put one in my mouth straight away and gave it a good bite. I undid my pants and put her hand on top of my slowly growing bulge.

I sat down on the bed. She assisted me in taking off my pants and went straight to work on my cock. She handled it like a pro licking up and down the shaft and then giving me the full deep throat. It was good. I lay back on the bed listening to music while she expertly sucked up and down the length of my cock without so much as a glance against her teeth. As good as it was I’m a giver rather than a taker so I pulled her up and lay her down on the bed.

“You have been practicing.” I said.

“Of course.” She said proudly.

I licked over her sweet young body, up to her large pink nipples and silky white breasts, up to her neck, kissed her soft lips, and then back down grazing my beard against her breasts and stomach. As I went down I licked her belly and rubbed her inner thigh with my hand. I went down to her panties and licked her crutch. She moaned and arched her back. I moved slowly to the other side breathing heavily on her moist pussy through her undies. I licked the other side of her crutch and then pulled her panties off. Her pussy was shaved to perfection. It was big with puffy edges like a cookie, but the lips were small, nice, and tidy. I licked her crutch again and smelled her pussy. Mmmmmm. I feathered her clit with my tongue, just a glancing lick and then making her wait. I teased her like this for a minute making her wriggle and moan and then latched my mouth hard on her pussy and began licking and sucking for real.

That went well, but I wanted my dick in this sweet young thing. I lay down beside her and we kissed. I pulled her on top of me and pushed my shaft against her pussy lips. She remained a little rigid not letting her weight fall on me. We kissed passionately and I moved my hand around behind her tail and slipped my finger in her wetness. She started to breath heavier into my mouth and let her body relax. I pulled her by her hips and brought her now dripping pussy on top of my hard cock. I slid her up and down the shaft a bit and then slipped in. Oh the soft wet feel.

I smashed her in all positions until she seemed to get tired and just lay there on her belly while I pummelled her little pussy from behind. I figured she had been pretty compliant so far so why not push my luck. I reached over to my bedside table and grabbed the KY. I squirted a bit on my finger and pressed it into her bum. She just lay there. I pulled out of her pussy and stuck my knob in her now lubricated arse. The end went in. She gasped, well at least she’s still alive, I thought. I pushed gently for a minute until she got looser and then was able to dig deep and smash that tight little freckle. Placing my hand on her head pushing it into the bed I felt my balls about to explode. I held on for as long as I could and then squirted my DNA into her entrails.

 

I got up, wiped my dick, and passed her a tissue. I lay back down on the bed. She finished wiping herself and I pulled her over to rest on my shoulder. I like this sugar dating thing, I thought. She got up after 5 minutes and said she had to go. She got dressed. I walked her out to her car and said good bye.

 

Although fun, it wasn’t really what I was after. I wanted to spend some time getting to know her and all that, make pretend like it was a real date.

Jess

The next date was a very cute girl I had been talking to online and she had been sharing sexy photos with me. I liked her sexual confidence and how much she liked her body to be so comfortable sharing photos. My favourite was a short video of her in doggy position slowly swaying her arse from side to side so I could see her sweet little cookie shaped pussy. I also liked the fact when I asked her if she had any fetishes she said she liked being tied up and skull fucked.

We met in the city. She was attractive and nice, but I didn’t really like her. She was also a bit heavier than her pictures. Never mind I was still looking forward to fucking her. We had a drink and walked along the river to my apartment. Once inside I went to the toilet. When I came out she was lying on the bed with her pants off and legs apart. It looked nice, but she was still wearing a shirt and had sweat marks on under the arm pits.

“Let’s have a shower first.” I said. She reluctantly agreed. In the shower she was saying “Put your cock in me. I want your cock in me.”

“You have to wait. Suck my cock first.” I said as she went on her knees and I grabbed her head and fucked her face. I wanted to see if she was all talk. She took it well.

Once I figured she was clean enough I took her back to the bed, teased her some more. “Fuck me now.” She said. “You have to wait” I replied.

Finally I stuck it in. It was good, but I wanted to come to quick.

“I’m going to come.”

“Ok”

“Where do you want me to come?”

“Wherever you want.”

“Inside?”

“OK”

I let my nut go inside her. She washed, we had a rest for 10 minutes, and then I was ready to go again. I smashed her for a good half an hour more. She talked up a good game of liking sex so I wanted to try and outlast her.

“I’m sore.” She said.

“Do you want to stop?” I asked. To be honest I wasn’t sure I was going to come again.

“No. I want you to come. Own that pussy. Treat that pussy like it’s yours.”

Fuck someone has issues, I thought as I pounded that tight sore little pink pussy. I felt like I might be able to come soon. She could feel my breath quickening. “Slap my face.” She said

I slapped her across the face hard. She liked it. I grabbed her throat and then slapped her again. Her eyes rolled back in her head. I slapped her one more time and then blew in her for the second time. I drove her home feeling like I needed another wash.

Sammy

7:45 in the evening sitting in my apartment stoned, looking out the window and meditating on my thoughts I get a message from Sammy: “wyd”. I’m not quite sure who it is. I have a look and it was the 17 year old girl from SD that had stopped replying to me. She messaged me on Snapchat saying she was only 17, but at least she was legal. I thought it was so funny so screen shot it. She got the shits and wouldn’t reply. I gave up.

She must have forgiven me. “Getting stoned and looking out my window LOL” I replied.

“Can I join?” She asked.

We discussed logistics. She was only 10 minute drive away. She gave me her address and I went to pick her up. I parked at the address and messaged her. I was a bit nervous. Was a girl and a guy about to try and rob me? I looked across the road and vaguely noticed a very overweight girl walking up the driveway of a group of townhouses. I sat back and waited for my date. The overweight girl walked towards my car. Oh fuck. That’s not my date is it? I will just have to tell her as nice as I can that I don’t like big girls. She came to the passenger door and went to open it. It was locked. I opened it for her. She opened the door and sat down in the seat. I said hi and started driving back to my apartment.

We spoke about general stuff. She was living there in a flat share and was studying legal services at tafe with ambitions of going to uni and studying law. She seemed nice enough. I could see exposed legs and her skin looked nice and smooth. Apart from being so fat she was ok. I was probably going to enjoy it.

We got into my apartment and I prepared some weed for us to vape. We lay on the bed and puffed. I reached my hand over and rubbed her leg. Her skin was very smooth, like silk to touch. I reached my hand up her top moved my face to hers. She kissed me passionately and I put my hand on her pussy on the outside of her undies. She kissed me harder. “Turn the lights off” she said. I dimmed the lights and took my clothes off. She took hers off and we kissed more. I was enjoying myself. I rubbed her dripping wet pussy. It was nice. I put my finger in and frigged her vigorously. She moaned hard.

I lay back and she went to work on my cock like a fat kid on a cup cake. Well a fat kid on a cock. She gave good head. I thought I was going to cum so pulled her back and hopped in between her big thighs. We kissed and I slipped my cock into her tight fat pussy. It was so wet and so good. I wanted to cum. I pulled out and said. “I’m going to cum. Finish me in your mouth and then I’ll be good to go again in 5 minutes. “ She complied like a good girl, deep throated me, and swallowed.

I lay back and we smoked some more weed. 5 minutes later my dick stirred again. I got on top of her and dug my prick into her tail. Her pussy felt so good, but it was weird that her stomach was in the way. I looked down at her oversized torso. This was by far the fattest girl I had fucked. It was like I was lying on this big soft pillow of blubber as I was digging into her. It made me feel a bit weird.

I got her on her knees. It slipped in easily. So tight, hot, and wet. This is better. I smashed her for a while until I felt like coming. “Where do you want me to cum?” I asked

“You can come wherever you want.”

“Are you on contraception.”

“Yes. But you can cum in my mouth if you want.”

I figured she didn’t need the extra calories.

“No. I’ve already done that. I’ll cum in your pussy.”

“OK.”

I smashed harder and with a grip of her flabby hips I let my nut go and squeezed what I had left into her. I pulled out and lay on the bed. A couple minutes later I got up, washed and dressed. “You should buy me a Guci bag.” She said

“How about I book you an Uber?”

I fucked Sammy again the following week and felt bad. She was just a stupid fat kid. I didn’t like her at all yet I was fucking her. Then I got a text from Jess saying she had chlamydia. Fuck. I got tested and had it too and had to tell Sammy.

I don’t want to do this anymore.