So my new potential wife got her VISA yesterday afternoon and will be here tonight. On top of that I woke up at 1am and couldn’t sleep and had a brownie at 2am, didn’t sleep, and now just wasted. Fuck brownies for sleep. At least that reservation has gone. Still have my other drug plans. When I got clean I really didn’t know if I could stay clean. I just imagined relapse might be a part of my journey. Now I am in a place where I have a lot of confidence in my ability to not use drugs. NA is a love cult that worships clean time. We hug and celebrate, we sing when people reach milestones. It’s like a game with “clean” as the messiah, if you follow the rules you stay clean.
And yet I want to have one more dance with the devil. It started last week when I realised my friend still had all the psychedelics I had given him when I decided to get clean. I approximated 10 2CB pills, 150mg ketamine, .5g changa, .5g DMT, 350mg MDMA, 600 mics acid – quite a party. I thought it might be fun to have these with this 22 year old girl that seemed up for it. She was very hot, very damaged, and very fun – It felt like too good an opportunity to pass up. I had only fucked a few white girls in my life as young and hot as that.
Then I had the idea of my ex. I had been in love with her for 10 years and only a few months ago she started to feel like my sister, while I loved her I had lost the intense passion to fuck her. I wouldn’t push her off, but she no longer sparked my heart and balls like she had once done and I know that would continue to decline as we aged. I know I couldn’t be with her anymore, it would only end with my cheating on her all the time. But I thought we could have 48 hours together, maybe get some closure, I felt like we were robbed of a life together. Maybe we could live a lifetime in 48 hours and say goodbye to what we never had. Or maybe we just get wasted and fuck a lot and everything stays the same.
In any case I knew my new potential wife was coming to Australia soon and once she was here I would fall in love with her and all those other opportunities would be off the table. Then it occurred to me that I could take the drugs with her. We could bond on psychedelics and fall in love, she can get to experience the drugs that I love so much. I can have a threesome with my mistress (drugs) and my fiancé and say goodbye dear mistress. I am getting married and going to NA. I am going to play the game of clean time. I am going to worship and celebrate it, and do what it takes to keep it.
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I am stressed. I have Ricky coming tonight
What already?
Yeah, well she got her VISA and wanted to come straight away. I was able to get a cheap flight the next day so I thought why not. The timing seems a bit weird because I have my parents and brother up here, but I suppose this gives them a chance to meet her.
Yeah, your brother is only here for a week, when was he last here?
7 years ago or something.
So he’s not likely to come for another 7 years.
If that.
Yeah. Good timing then. Why else are you nervous.
Well. I have committed to her. I’m choosing the married life. Most of my life and all my travel for the last decade has been about chasing girls. It’s a bit lonely at times, but I have my freedom, my independence. She is coming to stay with me. I have to share my life. That’s terrifying.
Fuck, now you say it like that. That is terrifying. I don’t think I would want to share my life again.
You know all those drugs I gave you when I got clean?
Yeah. The ones you asked me to give you back last week.
Yeah. Well I made some lame excuse
I knew you were planning on taking them. Have you had them yet?
No. They are still in my drawer. I thought they might be good to take with that young blonde thing or Star. I knew Ricky was eventually coming and I was going to start a very different life with her. I thought it might be my excuse to say good bye to the drugs and the girls. I also don’t feel I got the opportunity to have the wild sex I wanted on psychedelics so I thought I might be able to tick that off my bucket list too.
Hmmm, wild sex on psychedelics. If I had a bucket list I’d add that to it. But now Ricky is coming. What are you going to do?
I’m going to take them with her. I’m going to give her so many psychedelics she’ll forget her own name, then we will fuck and have breaks to walk up and down the beach. I’ve got enough there to really push it, especially with all that 2CB, that’s pretty pleasant to just keep dosing up on.
What if she doesn’t want to? Isn’t she really conservative and never taken drugs?
That’s a good point. Fuck it. I’ll do it anyway and she will just have to come along as a passenger.
Like a fuck doll slash nurse.
Maybe it’s better if she doesn’t want any.
Red Pill Recovery 