The Cycle of Addiction

A friend from NA who has been in and out of recovery for almost 10 years now has come to work for me. He will be a real benefit to my business, but I have some fears about his next relapse. We spoke about the terms of his employment, but I held off addressing what happens if he relapses. I put some thought into it overnight and I was glad I procrastinated. It’s a sensitive subject and needed finesse on my part. Sometimes procrastination is the right thing, another lesson in trusting my intuition.

“Hey mate. I’m looking forward for you working with me. You work hard and take pride in every task you do so you just need to keep doing what you are doing. Any problems that arise will likely be from lack of clarity in my instructions.”

He nods his head with arms folded. He seems grateful yet a little uncomfortable by the praise.

“We didn’t speak about the possibility of you relapsing and how we manage that.”

He drops his head and his shoulders slump a little like he’s resigned to relapsing again.

“All I can say is that I have never hid my using from those I am close to. If I use again I will tell you.”

“I appreciate that.” I say. “Look, out of anyone I will be the least disappointed with you if you use. I know in every fibre of your body you want to stay clean, but that you are completely powerless. But the other side of that same coin means I don’t put a lot of faith in you not relapsing.”

He nods in disappointment. He’s not disappointed in my lack of faith in him. He’s disappointed in his situation.

“I’m not going into a working relationship with you under the illusion that you will stay clean, but I do have more confidence in anyone that you will eventually get clean.”

I look him in the eyes. “You’re like me, you have nowhere else to go, I expect you to relapse, disappear for a few months and then come back.”

He looks at me a little bewildered, but grateful. I doubt he has had this sort of conversation with any NA member, let alone an employer. I must admit it is a little weird.

“I appreciate you understanding. If I could stay clean by not picking up a day at a time I would be almost 10 years clean. If I could stay clean because I really wanted to I would be clean even longer. Most NA members get upset when I relapse, like I did it on purpose, like the first step is something I have control over.”

Yeah. I feel the same. I’m just going to get as much work out of you as I can in the meantime” I say with a smile.

“I also think I know you well enough now and you are such a prototype of the cycle of the disease concept.”

He gives me an inquisitive look.

“You know the cycle of the disease concept?”

“Not really…”

I draw a circle on a piece of scrap paper and then draw a Mercedes Benz like logo.

“There are three segments. The first is your using. At some stage you will hit a crisis and get clean, this is the second segment, you will recover physically and get your health back and often have a honey moon period. How long have you been clean again now?”

“A bit more than a month.”

“Have you thought about using much?”

“Not really, not with any real desire.”

“Happens every time hey?”

“Yep.” He says with resignation.

“But then after a few months you get restless irritable and discontented” I say as I move my pen into the third segment and write ‘restless’.

“And then the thoughts of using creep in. And then the obsession to use starts”

His eyes dart upwards, like a light bulb just went off and then a sense of relief comes over his face. I can see the power of step 1 working on him.

“I saw you in this third stage last year. How long were you able to white knuckle it?”

“About 3 weeks.”

“Worse than using yeah?”

“Yep.”

“So with that in mind I think I can pick when you are likely to relapse again and trust you less – I think we have a good few weeks until that starts to happen. So if you relapse we just have to put a pause on the business relationship. The company car goes.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And my commitment to your working hours goes. Depending on where we are in a project I might get you to come and do some labour, if you’re not to fried, but we will pause future developments until you are clean again – which we both know is only a few months.”

He seems happy with the deal.

“This is important.” I say like a stern father. “If you can get half way through the 9th step and you still relapse, which is possible and happened to me 20 years ago, it will probably only be a few weeks, if not only a few days.”

“Really?” He says with genuine hope.

“When I was trying to stop using heroin in 2000 my sponsor showed me that exact three segment cycle of addiction and then we went through the steps together in the AA Big book. When we were finished he said. ‘It’s really good you have done all 12 steps, not everyone gets through it, now if you relapse you will A. Know why, and B. Be able to get clean much quicker.’ I was a bit annoyed at him suggesting I might relapse since he had promised the steps would cure me of that, but 6 months later I did relapse and he was right. I knew why – being dishonest, and I was able to get clean only a few days later.”

I punch the pen through the middle of the circle. “Through here is the fourth dimension and the passageway to it is steps 3-9.”