I think we were transporting horses. I felt special to be up in the cab with my Dad, sitting next to him on the black vinyl bench seats. I looked up to the dash and spotted a pack of Lifesavers. He saw my intent three-year-old gaze and got one out for me. It had a …
Author Archives: nickj
Overeaters Anonymous
I’m fat. I made a deal with my wife when we got together that I would stay under 80kg and she would stay under 50. She’s 48 (and pregnant) and I’m 85. I will find a way to lose it, I keep telling myself. I have lost weight before. But I can’t seem to get …
Recovery in Lombok
It’s been almost 9 months since we left Australia, and we have really started to settle in. I’m so glad I left. I love my new lifestyle here. I wake up early, meditate, journal, do a bit of work, play with the baby, and then attend an online AA meeting by the pool at sunrise. …
Clean in Lombok
Over 6 months clean again. It’s about a year since I relapsed around the first anniversary of my son’s death. What a year! What a decade. I feel like the trauma has finally stopped. It was so hard for so long. There were times that I asked myself would I ever be consistently happy again? …
Navigating Parenthood – Again…
I’m 48 and have been given another chance of love and family. I wanted a young wife because you know. “You’re only as young as the girl you feel.” And they smell nice, soft skin, youthful enthusiasm. And I have the maturity of a teenager a lot of the time. I didn’t really want babies, …
I Fucking Made It.
Wow. That wasn’t easy. But I fucking did it! I am sitting in my office with a view of my infinity pool, from my newly renovated villa, that cost me less than AUD 200K. My 9 month old baby is making noises in the other room with my sweat wife. I have a new home. …
Bitcoin as the Solution – That’ll Fuck Em
Covid was such a dark time for me. I have heard it said just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean you are wrong. Thank God I was paranoid or I wouldn’t be so healthy due to my high grass fed beef diet and I wouldn’t own so much Bitcoin. I imagined these Mr Burns like …
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Escaping the Matrix
We get to the Brisbane airport. We have almost made it. The warehouse and apartment we were living in left like a murder scene, dirty clothes on the floor, half-finished coffee cups on the bench. I get to check-in and overhear someone ask if there are any upgrades. Yes sir, she replies. I leave the …
This One’s For You Dad
I’ve been clean over a year and going to relapse again. Of course there is always an excuse, but this one’s a really good one. I should give some context. My relapses are not particularly devastating so It’s rationale to think that this one will be as benign as the rest. I vape weed, take …
Dear Anger, Fear and Self-Centredness.
You have served me well and I love you. I know you want to protect me with your repetition and I know the topics deserve your attention. But I want to be in love. I am choosing love. You will always be there for me when I really need you. You have a place to …
Red Pill Recovery 