So my new potential wife got her VISA yesterday afternoon and will be here tonight. On top of that I woke up at 1am and couldn’t sleep and had a brownie at 2am, didn’t sleep, and now just wasted. Fuck brownies for sleep. At least that reservation has gone. Still have my other drug plans. …
What Does “The Disease of Addiction” Mean to Me?
When I was 19 I worked out that every time I tried to stop drinking I would smoke more weed and vice versa. I knew that I had to stop both, but I didn’t know how. I looked up the white pages and found a helpline. I ended up in a private rehab and it …
Continue reading "What Does “The Disease of Addiction” Mean to Me?"
Fuck 90 in 90
“Do 90 meetings in 90 days. You know, when I got out of Jail I did 90 in 90. And I’m the only person I know with long term recovery that stayed clean in jail and stayed clean when I got out. My friend was 20 years clean, did his time clean, but relapsed when …
Is this a nightmare? Is this a dream?
About a year ago.. Is this a nightmare? I wake up in the parents accommodation at Ronald McDonald House opposite the Queensland Children’s Hospital. I look at my phone. Damn it’s 4am, too late to vape. I have to be up at 5.30 because Tommy wakes up just before 6 and I like to be …
Getting Clean Again
I’ve got a stressful weekend ahead. I hate it that I even consider it stressful. I don’t have to work, I get to go and see my kids, and my mum and her husband are coming up. They are not perfect, but nice enough and since I stopped using in 2000 they have been very …
I Have a Problem With Intimacy
Hey Micky. How was your weekend? It was ok. It’s so much better now that Tommy has carers. The pressure is off. It doesn’t feel so much like work, but it still tires me. Yeah, family can be tiring. I think it’s me that makes it tiring. How so? Well, I watch my mum around …
Released Anger and Accepted Love as the Solution
“Oh, it was marvellous. Weed is so good after a break for 2 weeks. Guess what?” “What?” “I’m going to Thailand in 2 days.” “Then I’ll be right behind you brother. I’ll be there in 5” It was too busy this time of yeah to give Timmy a whole week off so I only said …
Continue reading "Released Anger and Accepted Love as the Solution"
Failed Sober October – Sex and Drugs it is.
It’s the 17th of October. I fly to Thailand in 2 days for a holiday. I have done all my work, said goodbye to my kids, and have no responsibilities until then. I haven’t had 2 days without business or kids responsibilities for months. I can do whatever I want today. What do I want …
Continue reading "Failed Sober October – Sex and Drugs it is."
Sober October Week 2. Hi I’m Nick and I’m an addict.
I go to the men’s NA meeting for the 2nd week and get asked to share: Hi, I’m Nick and I’m an addict. Wow, I haven’t said those words for a while. It feels good. I came here last week and was able to get a glimpse of the love I used to feel from …
Continue reading "Sober October Week 2. Hi I’m Nick and I’m an addict."
Sober October. Remembering the Love that Once Healed Me.
I awake and look at the dim morning light coming through the blinds. I reach over to my chest of draws and pick up my phone, 5:01 - time to get up. I sit up on the edge of my bed. I had a decent sleep. I expect tonight’s sleep will not be so good, …
Continue reading "Sober October. Remembering the Love that Once Healed Me."
