“Do 90 meetings in 90 days. You know, when I got out of Jail I did 90 in 90. And I’m the only person I know with long term recovery that stayed clean in jail and stayed clean when I got out. My friend was 20 years clean, did his time clean, but relapsed when …
Author Archives: nickj
Is this a nightmare? Is this a dream?
About a year ago.. Is this a nightmare? I wake up in the parents accommodation at Ronald McDonald House opposite the Queensland Children’s Hospital. I look at my phone. Damn it’s 4am, too late to vape. I have to be up at 5.30 because Tommy wakes up just before 6 and I like to be …
Getting Clean Again
I’ve got a stressful weekend ahead. I hate it that I even consider it stressful. I don’t have to work, I get to go and see my kids, and my mum and her husband are coming up. They are not perfect, but nice enough and since I stopped using in 2000 they have been very …
I Have a Problem With Intimacy
Hey Micky. How was your weekend? It was ok. It’s so much better now that Tommy has carers. The pressure is off. It doesn’t feel so much like work, but it still tires me. Yeah, family can be tiring. I think it’s me that makes it tiring. How so? Well, I watch my mum around …
Released Anger and Accepted Love as the Solution
“Oh, it was marvellous. Weed is so good after a break for 2 weeks. Guess what?” “What?” “I’m going to Thailand in 2 days.” “Then I’ll be right behind you brother. I’ll be there in 5” It was too busy this time of yeah to give Timmy a whole week off so I only said …
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Failed Sober October – Sex and Drugs it is.
It’s the 17th of October. I fly to Thailand in 2 days for a holiday. I have done all my work, said goodbye to my kids, and have no responsibilities until then. I haven’t had 2 days without business or kids responsibilities for months. I can do whatever I want today. What do I want …
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Sober October Week 2. Hi I’m Nick and I’m an addict.
I go to the men’s NA meeting for the 2nd week and get asked to share: Hi, I’m Nick and I’m an addict. Wow, I haven’t said those words for a while. It feels good. I came here last week and was able to get a glimpse of the love I used to feel from …
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Sober October. Remembering the Love that Once Healed Me.
I awake and look at the dim morning light coming through the blinds. I reach over to my chest of draws and pick up my phone, 5:01 – time to get up. I sit up on the edge of my bed. I had a decent sleep. I expect tonight’s sleep will not be so good, …
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CPTSD – Complex post-traumatic stress disorder
I’m moving warehouse. I hate it. I’m meant to hate it, moving is hard. It will be better when things are done, but it’s hard to imagine. Time will pass I reassure myself. In a couple of months this will all be a distant memory. I wake up and have to work. I am paying …
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Step 6: Ridden with Defects, Blame and Finding Love
It’s been three months since I have taken any LSD. The last trip was so profound that I thought it was time to have a break. My ego died and I was re-born. I experienced the narcissist a baby experiences, lost in a world of complete self-centredness where I was the centre of the universe …
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Red Pill Recovery 