I had an important test at high school the next day so I told myself I wouldn’t drink too much. The night started to fade in and out of back out and then I woke up in my bed. It was morning and I was very hungover. How did that happen? I bought a quarter …
Author Archives: nickj
Early Recovery Sucks
May 2020 I’m 30 days clean. I sit in a luxury apartment in Cotton Tree watching the sunrise come over the ocean. My business has never been better, I feel rich. I have my physical health, close to my perfect weight, and no other issues. I have the best girlfriend I have ever had lying …
I’m Going to Self-Sponsor
If you’re sponsoring yourself, your sponsor is an idiot. Being in your own head is like walking down a dark alleyway in a bad neighbourhood on your own. There are no rules in NA except that you can’t do the steps on your own. Don’t trust your thinking. My best thinking got me here. Run …
Recovery Bridge
For me (and I believe all 12 step members) love and bonding were not available in my childhood formative years and to manage my mood and my emotions I developed self-reliance attachment to things (addiction). Fantasy became a big part of this as it was more reliable than love and affection. Alcohol and drugs soothed …
God Help me. Remove my Obsession. I Don’t Know What to do
Boredom. I start my day, life is perfect and I am bored, where is the fuel of addiction that used to drive me? Where is the life that will be so amazing when I do, achieve, learn, obtain, get to, fulfill… Insecurity. I just spent $500 on the door electrics of my old Merc. The …
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Acceptance – Life May Not Get Any Better Than This
I sit on my couch to start my meditation. I look out my window as the sun comes up over the ocean behind the clouds making the sky pink. The water shimmers silvery blues as the light bounces along it’s surface. I think of God, the pink light behind the clouds, radiating warmth and life. …
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Acceptance – If you Accept Everything as it Truly is Then You Don’t Need God.
I’m back, 3 and a half months clean. I’m not just back in recovery, I have myself back. I have my ego back and I have confidence in my ability to navigate the often turbulent waters of life. Today was a day I didn’t really need a higher power. Tomorrow I might be praying, pleading …
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Just for Today I Choose Sex and Drugs
I’m sitting in a meeting. My sponsor is to one side of me and my best friend to the other. I have other friends all around me. I feel the love of NA. I feel the benefits of being an NA member for 20 years. I have known these friends around me for almost that …
Another Dance with the Devil
So my new potential wife got her VISA yesterday afternoon and will be here tonight. On top of that I woke up at 1am and couldn’t sleep and had a brownie at 2am, didn’t sleep, and now just wasted. Fuck brownies for sleep. At least that reservation has gone. Still have my other drug plans. …
What Does “The Disease of Addiction” Mean to Me?
When I was 19 I worked out that every time I tried to stop drinking I would smoke more weed and vice versa. I knew that I had to stop both, but I didn’t know how. I looked up the white pages and found a helpline. I ended up in a private rehab and it …
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Red Pill Recovery 