Social Acceptability Does Not Equal Recovery
I get an email from my ex saying she will be driving to Brisbane and can drop the kids off at my place for the last weekend of the school holidays. That’s like over two weeks away and means she will have them for the whole holidays. Her reasoning is she is having family come …
Continue reading “The Authoritarian, People Pleasing, Virtue Signaller”
We said our goodbyes headed back to Redcliffe. The next week was pretty good. I was on a bit of a honey moon and so grateful I had got through until the end of step 9. I read step 10 in the AA book and set up a time each evening before bed to do …
Then I read instructions in the big book, said the 7th step prayer and considered step 7 done. For step 8 I wrote down the people I believed I had harmed specifically from my drug use. I wanted to keep this specific. I wanted to stop using psychedelics. I’ve lived the life of a self-centered, …
Over the next few days I finished my step 4. I listed all my resentments and all my fears and then went down the columns looking at the instincts they affected and the defects they caused. I looked at the instructions on the sex inventory and decided to post-pone it. It was a deep crevice, …
I came home, watched TV, vaped weed and slept like a baby. In the morning we had to drive to Gympie to look after my son while his mum was away. I was in a good mood and my head was quiet. I was more committed to starting work for my new employer on Monday …
Despite my jolt of reality that this wonderful psychedelic perspective of the world was yet another manifestation of my addiction, I was still going to enjoy it. I sucked on my weed vape and bopped along to my music as I weaved through wonderland on my way home. I was going home to my wife …
I made it home and hung out with Ricky for a while, had a bite to eat, packed my vape, dropped 20mg of 2CB, and headed out on my next mission. An hour later the colours took on a hue that always reminded me of jube lollies. It had been a while since I had …
Continue reading “I Wanted To Be Completely Ok With Being The Centre Of The Universe.”
As I continued to walk I remembered a conversation with my son’s mum a few days earlier. She mentioned she didn’t want to cancel his phone because we would lose his voicemail. His dystonia had prohibited him from speaking since he got sick over 2 years ago. At the time I had thought that we …
Continue reading “I Will Really Have To Say Goodbye To Wonderland Whether I Like It Or Not”
Work was just a normal day. The obsession to use wasn’t so strong that I wasn’t able to stay present. I didn’t for a minute think that I was cured and could now use manageably because of my new found relationship with God, although I wouldn’t put it past the disease to come up with …
Continue reading “The Tears Started To Flow. I Couldn’t Believe I Was Forgiving My Mum”
The next morning, Thursday, I woke up early, did my morning stretching, meditation and journaling, and a bit more of my 4th step. The sunrise was beautiful so I thought I would go for a walk. With my headphones on I walked down the hill to Margate beach and bounced along the boardwalk. At 5 …
Red Pill Recovery